Flood

When it rains, I don't want to do anything. I want to stay in bed and hide under the covers.

Why do I shut down when I am overwhelmed? I know it

is because I am incapable. I am incompetent without Him. So why then do I shut Him out? Why do I live a single second without his Will in the forefront of my heart? My life is a wreck when I live for myself. I have no direction. I feel like I am sleepwalking. Everything just passes by while I have no motivation or connection.

I am tired of this haze. I am ready to feel purposeful. He has brought me to my knees again and again. I have to be reminded continuously to seek Him. His way is best, and I know that in my heart, but it is so hard to loose control.